Happy National Croissant Day

Yes, today is the day! Eat a croissant or five! Today, make a choice that requires you to fully consume the process of that task! Choose something that reminds you, you have a purpose and that the road has no dead end. Take a bite of life and absorb its nutrition. I want you to challenge your thoughts and capabilities to aim for something higher. Today, do not let that half-eaten croissant go stale, eat every crumb, and tackle the challenges ahead of you. You can do it! Breathe in, breathe out…you are in control!



My Life, Your Decisions

You ever wake up one day and look to the ceiling, thinking about all the choices you have made that have positioned you where you are today? Have you ever felt like you weren’t in control of your life? Whether it be your parents, friends, or significant others, have you ever wondered if it wasn’t for any of those individuals’ “recommendations” or “advice”, you wouldn’t be where you are? I guess the real question is, are you happy with life and where the decisions have taken you?

This thought caught my attention the other day. I swear in my head I have my life planned out…but for some reason once someone I believe that has my best interests tells me some life advice, I forget who I am. I forget what my capabilities are. I forget that IT IS MY LIFE! I shake my head in agreeance, and you know what…why does everyone else know what is best for you? Or in another view, you’re dating someone, and they have both of your lives figured out…except they failed to mention if you had any goals that you might want to achieve, or if you thought that their plan was in the lines of your life. Yes, this is where you speak up!!! Okay, I recently made another decision, knowing damn well I don’t want to do it. But, they told me I had nothing to lose. Why yes, yes, I do, MY SANITY! I took the promise of those individuals and can only hope that they can fulfill it, because if not our contract is over. Hehe…I have control over this situation.

Here is the thing, people will tell you what you need to do, how to act, how to dress, how to do your hair, how to work, how to raise your kids, how to…the list goes on. But no one can tell you how to bleed your wounds, cry your tears, poop your shit, and fight your fears. ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT! So, if their advice is not what your subconscious is telling you, take a step back, go into your quiet place, and listen. My thought is, well if it doesn’t work out you can’t blame anyone else, and you can always take their advice later. Live your life based off your decisions. You will have less regrets and headaches. Believe that you can and will achieve the desires of your heart. Let your heart guide your path, and let your faith hold you. You can do it! You can live the life you need to, for YOU! Your life, your decisions!

Racial Paranoia

I am sure reading the title of this makes you either roll your eyes, or maybe you understand. I have been told that I am “hypersensitive” or that “I am thinking too much” about it. Please note the ones who tell me that, have no idea what it feels like to be a black female in America, or an individual who is treated less than others because of their race. You know, I might even have my dark-skinned sisters say I still don’t understand because I am “light-skinned.” Well in my world, I do. I will do a separate blog on that! PROMISE!

Okay, so back to my paranoia…I have it. I don’t know if it can be diagnosed as something long-term, but it is very alive in my brain membranes. I will go to a bar or restaurant with some friends and before we get there I ask, “do brown people go there?” It sounds bad, but it just makes me feel more comfortable knowing that there is diversity in the establishment. I have been to multiple places here, and I have received some nasty looks, and even whispers. It amazes me! I then look around, and realize I am the “only me”. (Sad face) You know, I don’t know what they are saying, but due to my actual experiences with racial biases, I am constantly paranoid. I live in the south, and it isn’t as diverse to my liking. When I visit my brother in Virginia, and we go the D.C. area, I don’t feel the same. The metropolitan area is so full of color, people, race, and differences. I love it! I remember when I changed duty stations to South Carolina, and it was when all the issues were going on with the confederate flag coming down, shootings, and all. I was so scared to come, and even considered requesting to leave early. Well it ended up not being too bad…for a while. Well time has passed, and for some reason I am paranoid. I am not going to lie, I think that most white people that look at me weird, hate me because of my color. So yes, I have racial paranoia, and I don’t know how to get rid of it. When I see the confederate flag it makes my skin bump up, and I get extremely uncomfortable. The media and experiences I have had have made the paranoia real! Now don’t get it twisted…I have met some individuals who liked and displayed the confederate flag, and treated me like a normal human. But the fear hits me when I see it. I just never know. I call this racial paranoia, because I live in a world where I think automatically, the unwelcoming behavior is because of my race.

Any of you experience the same thing?


Are you content, happy, or settling? All of the above…maybe?

So, you settle…you choose the last donut in the box; even though it’s not your favorite. You get a cat instead of a dog (Okay, I did end up with a cat first, but he is the best pet ever! Now, I have a dog! Two fur babies!!!!) Yeah, that man or woman is nice, well there are a lot of nice people in the world; that’s what friends are for. He or she smokes, as you choke with a smile. I would bet that 90% of divorced couples settled. I have a friend who is optimistic, and her partner is not. She continued to try to provide options and remedies for his laziness, but it didn’t work. Today, she is over it and realizing that she was never happy, only settled for contentment.

Settling isn’t necessarily something you jump for joy for, or the screen effect with confetti and congratulations attached to that message. I don’t know what to tell you, but a lot of times we settle. In the back of our minds we think, “damn, why do I even try or deal with this b*s*!” I can’t tell you why you settled or why I have before. Maybe it was God just helping you realize that your wants were not what you needed, OR it was just that you were afraid to hurt someone else’s feelings. Contentment can change to happiness, sometimes. I only think that is possible if the situation is where both parties are trying, or you are attempting to move onto bigger and better things. I mean I am content not working out, but I know years ago I was happy being in shape and having the desire to be healthy. At this moment, I know I can’t feel this way for much longer or I will regret the contentment of my current lifestyle.

Contentment is COMFORT AT THE MOMENT. Yeah, it works and feels good at the conscious level. But, in the subconscious parts of your mind it is telling you, to “LEAVE”, “MOVE OVER”, or “OKAY YOU CAN STAY AND BE MISERABLE.” Being content or being happy with the blessings God has blessed you with is tricky. Yes, we want to be successful, happy, and prosperous. I currently am unemployed, well not technically, I mean I will be in 11 days. It is that serious! I just recently transitioned from the Army, and man, I was only content. I had done everything I could do, but it didn’t bring me results or happiness. Well now I am out, and miserable! I think my next post will be on being miserable.

You know what is funny, I right clicked contentment and it said happiness…. I am going to need to talk to Microsoft and tell them it is not the same. Long rant short, deep down you know what makes you happy, so stop making your content decisions on other’s and make those happy decisions on yourself. You will save the headache and you will not have to read this post, again. Goodnight! xoxox

Half-Eaten Croissant

I woke up this morning with the thought, “something needs to change”. I do think about how my life has ended up, obviously through the choices I have made; some good and some bad. Ever since I was younger I wanted to be someone, not just anyone, but someone who made a difference in others’ lives. I have my mini talks with God and ask him why I think so much. I never hear any reply and sadness fills my depth. As I look at my cat napping, and watch his face and tail twitch, I wonder what he is dreaming about. I guess the mind is like a gear, I don’t know what WD-40 I am using on it…but I am hoping that it locks up for a moment, just a moment.

Let’s see if I can tie this all together to make sense. The Half-Eaten Croissant is about life and the journey of it. You know those lazy mornings where you wake up and whatever you make, you half eat it? Well that is what happened to me this morning, and I am still staring at that half-eaten croissant. Our lives are at times half-eaten, and we internally feel like it is full, but we are still not happy. We have no desire to finish it, but look at the remainder, with no intention to. No, I am not saying we want our life to fully end. I am saying, what will help you finish the rest of your breakfast? What will help you finish the story you have to tell? What will help you clear the plate of your life, so that you can begin the next meal? What about the waste that remains there; cold and alone? Help me to help you turn our waste or half-eaten life into something desirable not only to the eye, but to infinity. We are commonly told, “we are what we eat”, so when we continually half eat the opportunities that God has given us, we begin to get in the habit of wasting time, energy, and life.

Maybe once I finish the half-eaten croissant of my life, I can change this blog to the fully-eaten croissant, but then I think my point would be lost. Let’s just try to consume and manifest our lives into the wholeness it was meant to be.


Try Again

Well…I am back. I guess I will try this blog thing again. I have achieved the master level of boredom and while my time ticks away, I realize that I need to get productive. So much has changed since my last blog. I guess I just want to stick to this. The thoughts in my head are continual and most of the time I have no one to talk to. No sympathy needed, nor am I asking for it. Have you ever had a headache from just thinking? Well, I have them daily. I am going to TRY AGAIN! My site is a work in progress and I will add details as needed. I guess staring at the half-eaten croissant on my study has ignited something deep inside. I am going to try again….